The Wedding Royale

   
      Well, after months of speculation and "leaks", the wedding of the millenium has been conducted. At Westminster Abbey, in the chapel somehow lined with live trees, and witnessed by 2 Billion people around the world, Prince William and Kate Middleton became the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. America can learn somethings from today's wedding.

1. We need to have a monarchy. (Look at how loyal the millions of citizens are! No Tea Party there!)
2. We have too many 24hr news. (Coverage started at 2 AM. I missed my favorite shake-weight infomercials.)
3. We need more British people, at least with accents. (Talking like them is just so damn snazzy!)
4. We have to keep the Beckhams in America. (They look stunning wherever they go....stunning.)
5. Love is beautiful. Marriage is beautiful. (At a time where young people shag whoever they please, it feels good to see a mature couple actually make a commitment.

     In the end, for those who stayed up to watch the event, it was worth it. The pomp and hullabaloo is an international phenomenon. Whether you woke up early in Austin, or stayed up late in the Philippines, at a time where the news is sad and depressing, when disasters and hopelessness fills the news; it feels good to look at the nuptials in London as a beacon of hope, of future, and of love. Cheerio. Pip-pip. God Save the Queen.

Emmanuel Delfin

-Chief  Royal Correspondent

Obama's Birth Certificate

          Well...here it is! Barack Obama's Birth Certificate. He was born in Hawaii. Just like he said he was. Now, all these "birthers" have nothing to fuss over. To think, it was in 2007 that Hillary and Bill "The Super Clintons" were running against the President, and they asked for his proof of being born here. Then, there were the Tea-Party People. Holding up signs that asked for proof and kept asking for proof. Then, there was Trump. He was adamant about this issue. He said that he sent lawyers to Hawaii and they were uncovering some sort of huge conspiracy that would be a huge blow to the President. Glenn Beck asked for it. Palin asked for it. Michelle Bachmann asked for it. Bill O' Reilly...

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          Bill O'Reilly is right! He is actually right and John agrees with him.        
          I guess Trump was wrong. I guess Obama is American. I guess he is the President. So...it's all over now right? NO!!! Now Trump wants Obama's college records! I can tell you what he was doing in college...

-Emmanuel Delfin

Sr. Political Analyst

Run Ron! RUN! (The College Kid's President)

  
     Ron Paul is from Texas. Ron Paul is a man. Ron Paul....Ron Paul....Ron Paul. He is the man. He WANTS to be President.

      Paul is from Texas' 14th District which is Galveston and the burbs in H-Town. He is tite, off the chain! He'll make this country right as rain! Ronnie Boyyy is also one of the hippest lawmakers in DC, and he's spreadin all his views on the cable TV! Wurdd to yo motha!

     Why all the hip cool talk? Well, because Ron Paul is the coolest mo fo running for president, at least on the Republican ticket. Think about it. Who is he up against?

-Mitt Romney (He's a mormon whose first name is a synonym for a glove)
-Tim Pawlenty (Who?)
-Donald Trump (Still waiting for the punch line...)
-Barack Obama (He's so 2008, Ron Paul is 3000 and great)

     Ok, here are some reasons on why he is the best choice for the young people in America, and for that fact, America as a whole.

1. He wants to legalize marijuana- People used to laugh at him and call him a hippie, but now that we all need cash flow and have actual problems to worry about, who's laughing now? (Besides the potheads who are already laughing at everything)

2. He believes in Smaller Government, with less regulations- Tea Party values. And shoot we love the Tea Parties. Even more than the British do.

3. He wanted to impeach Obama- Sooo......I'm pretty sure no one else has the balls to do/say that.


     Overall, Ron Paul would be the the fifth Texan President in the White House (Eisenhower, LBJ, and the Bushes). I think he has a huge chance of winning the Republican nomination considering who else is running. Paul can raise millions in a day, and his following consists of young college kids and older conservatives. Now, the trouble is trying to get everyone in between. Who knows, maybe we'll be laughing over not believing in President Paul (a cool name), over a bubbler bong we bought online at www.grasscity.com, completely legal of course.

-Emmanuel Delfin

Sr. Political Editor 

The Trump Card

   “You’re Fired.” The words have a new meeting since we watched business millionaire Donald Trump let someone go every week on his reality/competition show. The Apprentice is how he got fame. And so what does he do with it? Does he use it to show the needs of the world like human trafficking and other crisis? NO. Instead, he decides to bring up Obama’s birth certificate or lack thereof, and oh yeah. He’s also running for President. Of OUR country.

     Look, I have nothing against the guy. I think he’s quite the character. His attitude. His wife/wives. His hair. They’re all crazy. But I think his type need not venture into our governing body. In reality, if Trump says something right now like… “Screw China I’d drop a bomb on that crazy ass country”. We would laugh and watch it on TMZ. But…in a couple of years if he does win, President Trump would actually drop a freakin bomb on China! That’s what scares me.

     Business is a business. Government is a people and power kind of game. I have handled both. I’m the CEO of Delfin Unlimited, a cut throat business venture and I’m the communications director for a Congressman, an even dirtier pool of cutting throats. I can say that both fields are different. Completely different.

     Saying that, business is about numbers and papers. Politics is about numbers and people! If you have to cut some spending in a company, you save some money and make some as well. If you cut funding in a country, people will get hurt. That’s why someone smart weighs the options out and has a team that works together.

     Trump does have a team I suppose. He has his family that sometimes sits in on board meetings. And who can forget his team of B-List stars who roasted him. I’m sure his team can handle whatever “Situation” comes up in the white house. You know what? Just for kicks, I’m gonna show you the Jersey Shore star being not funny.

    

     Haha that was funny…cuz it sucked! But back to the main point. Trump is not gonna be a good President. He is not regal or gentle. Now, I know that some people think that doesn’t matter, but it does.

     Do we even like Trump? Is he funny to us? Is he a joke? Are we scared of him?

     No. Yes. Yes. I’m not, cuz I have huge balls!

     I think that what I’m trying to get at is that Trump isn’t dumb. He knows what he’s doing. But he isn’t a genius either. He’s like the Charlie Sheen of politics. I don’t care what polls say, he’s a joke. I would not vote for him. Not until he does something that isn’t egotistical, something that helps SOMEONE ELSE. Maybe then. But right now…stay in Trump Tower. Not the White House.

PS. Obama has a birth certificate. If he didn’t he couldn’t be President and guess what…he is.

To the Highest Bidder



     We all know we're in debt. How much debt? CLICK THIS LINK:(http://www.usdebtclock.org/index.html)

     Now at the time of this post, the debt is around $14 Trillion. That's a literal crap load of money. I can't even imagine that much money being owed or being needed. According to Mother Jones and the Foundation for National Progress that's enough  to buy:

10 years of vaccines for kids in 117 countries
$110 billion

10 years of $10,000 bonuses for all US public school teachers
$318 billion
Sending all 2009 US high school grads to private college
$347 billion

Doubling US spending on HIV/AIDS and cancer research for 20 years
$493 billion

10 years of CO2 offsets for all Americans
$559 billion

Meeting UN anti-poverty goals by 2015
$757 billion

20 years of universal preschool in US
$860 billion

Buying a house for every homeless American
$878 billion

10 years of helping developing countries deal with the effects of climate change
$2 trillion

Buying the world an iPhone 3GS
$2 trillion
10 years of private health insurance for uninsured Americans
$2.2 trillion

Paying off 1/3 of US home mortgages

$3.5 trillion

Total: $14 trillion

So, there. instead of funding all of these, and handing out iphones, we owe that much money. We are literally spending more money than we are making, and because of that we do not have the oppurtunity to invest in what is good for the American people. College students can't pay for classes, Medicaire is being cut, and a lot of people are being screwed over by the people they choose to represent them in Washington DC. I know this article isn't super hilarious, but this is pretty serious. But, I will end on a joke:

"In the 1980's someone thought it would be smart to let people buy things based on credit or 'I'll pay you back later' money."

PUNCH LINE: $14 trillion dollars in US debt.

Chief Political Editor

Emmanuel Delfin

Woo hoo! We weren't Shut Down; and they still won't Shut Up! and the White Stripes

Well. We're all alive. Tonight before the deadline of midnight, Congress in Washington DC avoided a government shut down. Both the Senate and House agreed on a deal that would cut almost $80 billion from the budget, and yet include the controversial planned parenthood program. While they all debated, every Representative in the legislature had a chance to talk about their opinion on the bill and the budget. So, Congresswoman Donna Edwards a democrat from Maryland, decided to use her time to make a point instead of more hot air.

She did not blab about consequences or party politics (not this blog). Instead, she quoted the White Stripes' song, "Effect and Cause". She proves her argument. The Republicans may be creating a problem, while trying to fix one. All in all, the government will be funded. So, take some time and enjoy the White Stripes.

-Emmanuel Delfin

Chief Politics Editor

Dayumm America! You've been Shut Down!

See, these are the moments when I am proud of having a secret underground bunker hidden on my property. When the world explodes after the United States government shuts down, I will be safe on my straw bed eating Twinkies and watching a pirated version of Rango. After the debris is gone, me and my artificial uterus will have to repopulate the world and recreate the human race. This is my US Shut Down Emergency Plan. Are you prepared?

Of course, we have no idea what to prepare for. The government hasn't shut down in around a decade. What should we expect? Well, here's pretty much what happens:

·         Non-essential services stop like: NASA, toxic waste cleanup, etc.

o   Oh no! How will we find aliens and clean their toxic poop?

·         Applications for Firearm and Alcohol licenses will not be processed

o   Oh no! I can't shoot anyone when I'm drunk!

·         National parks will be closed

o   Oh no! Homeless people will be without a home!

·         Bankruptcy services will be suspended

o   Oh no! People without any money or credit can't pretend to be broke!

·         The CDC will no longer monitor diseases

o   Oh no! ….This one is actually a little scary!

If you don't sense my sarcasm, then read that whole paragraph sarcastically and it might make more sense for you. Look, the government doesn't actually "Shut Down". Policeman will still protect you. Teachers will still teach. The hospitals will be open. But there are legitimate concerns. technically the military and border patrol will not be fully funded. Will they still do their jobs?

Yes. Yes they will. Border Patrol will patrol our borders even without pay. When Secretary of Defense went to Iraq he told the soldiers, "I always believed you should always pay the ones with guns first." He is pretty much right, though. And the military will receive half a paycheck until this shut down is over. But here's some things that are still going to be operating:

·         Mail will be delivered

o   Too bad no one mails anything anymore

·         Taxes still need to be filed

o   Cool, give the government money, cuz they know just what to do with it

·         News channels will not stop reporting it

o   Great. At least it's not Jersey Shore, cuz it's been sucking lately

All I can say, is that if we have each other we'll be fine. I know that sounds really weird and cliché, but the government can shut itself down, but it can't shut down our spirits! Well, I'm off to go sit in my bunker now. Peace.

Emmanuel Delfin

-Chief Political Editor

Yes We Can.........Again! OBAMA 2012

     Get out your shirts. Get out your flags. Heck, go grab your Official Obama Inauguration Plates because here we go again. Who knew it's almost been 4 years already since our President Barack Obama was voted into office with an overwhelming majority. Literally NO ONE thought he could do it. I don't know whether HE knew he was gonna win either. I remember writing a script for my show the week he announced his candidacy, and I didn't even write him in. He ran and lost some of the early primaries and I did not write him in! Then, he came to San Antonio. I got press passes, and rushed over to the Verizon Wireless Theatre, with my camera man John. Man can that guy speak! His speech was amazing and a cheer erupted after every pause. Now, he was not the first rally I've been to. I covered Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Huckabee, etc. But wow I was impressed with him.

     But, he only came once. (Thats what she said) So that means for two years before November 2008, the job of campaigning in my city was given to volunteers in the region. Oh did they campaign! Buttons, signs, stickers, shirts, rallies, meetings, dinners, and the most important of all Facebook. Obama's campaign saw the internet as the most powerful tool in the belt. McCain thought the most powerful tool was his experience or Obama's lack of it. But poor old McCain couldn't see the amazing usefulness that the internet and modern day social media has. I can bore you with numbers of the statistics, how Obama had more websites, Facebook friends, internet staff, online groups, YouTube videos, and other resources. He even was able to raise millions of dollars online, which is probably the most important to him.

     So, this time around, what did he do? Did he use his old campaign strategy? Did he recycle his contact list? Nope. He doubled everything. He made everything bigger. Newer. He wants to raise one billion dollars for his campaign. ONE BILLION. And I think he will have no trouble doing it, honestly. Not only will he have the support of his base, but of thousands who agree with some of his recent actions. However, it may not be all easy breezy for the President. His approval rating is lower. His actions have been questionable. His policies have failed, well some of them. So we believed in him. We supported him. We put all our eggs in his basket. Do we give him more time? Will we stop getting into wars? We left Iraq, but we just entered Libya. Same number of wars, different places. The economy is better, byt after his stimulus package was spent, state's suddenly ran out of money. Did that work? A lot of questions need to be answered so, he will have to answer them. On YouTube, on Facebook, and everywhere else he can find.

     But whats the alternative? A Repubican? Sarah Palin? Newt Ginrich? Mike Huckabee? or worse. Donald Trump?! Nope. I say it'll be former governor Tom Pawlenty. And you heard it here first.

     Anyways, Obama 2012. Let's get crazy into campaign mode. Party Politics will cover the whole year for you so keep an eye on here for interviews and blogs and all types of shiz.

-Emmanuel Delfin

Senior Political Editor

Where's All My Money?!

“Money! There isn’t enough! Not enough to fund education! Not enough to fund Medicaid! What will happen to the kids?! Or the old people?! Are we turning our back on the future or not taking care of our past?! What is wrong with the Texas Legislature?! Don’t they care about us anymore? Why?! Whyyyyyyyy?!!!!!”

            This is a direct quote from a stressed out average Texan who watches the news and sees the word “CUTS” or “REDUCED”, and quickly grabs a sign and rushes to the capitol to protest. No joke though! Walking into work (I work at the capitol by the way), I see masses of people protesting or marching to stop the budget adjustments that the current Texas legislature has to make. And I really do feel for them. I understand why teachers are concerned. I mean, hell! $8 Billion less to pay for schools! There’s already a ton of new kids crowding classrooms as it is, and I can hardly imagine the same classroom with $8 billion less of everything. I also completely understand the outrage that disabled and elderly have against the cuts on Medicaid. I love old people! They love me! We’re a happy family! I feel bad that they’re losing their nursing homes, or care centers. I really do! I am even more empathetic for the college guys! Me! You! All the Longhorns who have to pay to go to this great school! Grants are gonna be cut. I already got that email that basically said I should get either 5 jobs to support myself, or throw myself into debt. It’s not like I’m, NOT gonna be effected by this budget.

            But, instead of being pissed or calling my representative and causing havoc, I am peacefully writing this blog. Heck, I’m even smiling as I listen to the soothing voice of John Mayer. I’m not sweating wondering where my next meal will come from, I’m not applying for a million scholarships. I’m chill. Why?

            BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK!!!

            Yes, the bill (House Bill 01 now Senate Bill 01) is tough. I will not debate that. It cuts everything it can cut from. Education, health and human services, my grants, etc. But, what do you want them to do? How do you want them to balance the budget? If you can’t fix the problem, don’t complain about the solution! If we don’t balance our budget for the upcoming years, then we’ll really be in a rut like California is! And we’re Texas, better than Cali. 

            And yeah, I’ve heard of the rainy day fund. And yeah, we could technically use it. But, it’s not a rainy day. It’s just a cloudy day. We’re already using almost $4 billion from it. Using more would be like opening your umbrella when you see some clouds. What if something worse happens and we already used our umbrella? What then? We’d get all wet! (That's what she said)

            The last thing I’m gonna say, is Chill the heck out people! We hear of our grandparents going through hard times during the Great Depression, and you know what we do?! We look up to them. These are hard times. We’re in a coupla wars, we’re in deep money trouble, and a whole lotta other problems. When we’re older and our kids and grand kids ask us how we got through hard times what will we say? We complained? We cried? Or we conquered?

-Emmanuel Delfin

Senior Political Analyst